A letter to Europe

Dear Europe,

We've been hanging out for a while now, and I want you to know that I really, really like you. In fact, I'd like to keep hanging out with you and see where this relationship goes. However, there are a few things I just don't understand, probably because I'm an American, and I feel that we've reached the point in our acquaintance where these things should be addressed. 

First of all, the summer season brings out a hotness in you that you seem utterly unaware of. But, trust me, you're pretty hot. I get that air conditioners are expensive to install and expensive to run, and that you probably don't need them all that often anyway. No problem. But, have you considered the fan? The occasional ceiling or oscillating fan could do wonders for your coolness and wouldn't cost you much. But even if you feel that you are cool enough in your natural state, without the use of such modern gadgets, don't you think it would be nice to at least install screens on your windows, so that the air can move in freely but the bugs (and birds!) cannot? I'm just wondering.

Also, let's talk about clinginess. I do like a good hug now and again, but I feel that I can rarely step inside one of your showers without being smothered by the plastic shower curtain. They grab at my arms and surround my legs, until I feel that I can no longer breathe or move. I just need a little space. And, you may not realize it, but that space would be good for you, too.

Which brings me to my next point: Are you avoiding the shower? Because, if so, I totally understand. The constant clinging does get old. But for the sake of everyone sharing the bus/train/cafe with you, it would be better to just go ahead and take the plunge. You can make it a quickie, if you need to. Also, I have seen deodorant for sale in many of your stores and have even purchased and used some myself. How would you feel about giving this a try?

Finally, I'd like to talk about what's going on in the bedroom. Where is the top sheet? And, why are there two twin-size comforters on my king-size bed? I want to get cozy with you in bed, but I feel that you are making it overly difficult to do so. 

There is truly so much to love about you. You are beautiful and interesting and you make me happy in so many ways. But, the things I've mentioned here have been a mystery to me, and I would love it if you could clear the air on these topics. If you feel the need to reciporcate with inquiries about my quirky American habits, I think that's only fair. 

Still fondly yours,

Mandi