Prove it

I have this one kid that requires me to prove myself as a parent. Every. Single. Day. Often, multiple times a day. He does not take subtle hints or back down when threats are issued. If anything, those things feel like a challenge to him. He insists on seeing what I'm made of--on knowing if I'm serious, and worthy of his respect. It's like he's saying, "Are you really going to take away my toys or privileges, or come up with a consequence that is more painful than the fight is fun? Prove it!" I'm talking about a level of strong-willedness that even strong-willed children usually never reach.

And, if he ever perceives weakness, the fight will go on for hours, because he thinks there might actually be a chance he's going to win. I can never, ever back down or relent on promised punishments (even though it's tempting), and I often have to come up with creative ways to get through to him, because it is unlikely what worked with other kids will work with him or even what worked with him yesterday will work today. Frankly, this type of parenting is exhausting. And, sometimes I handle it with less grace and composure than I should, and sometimes with none at all. And, sometimes, even when I "win" the battle, it feels like a defeat, because I'm completely worn out, and because I know I will be back on the proving ground again the next day. (And, I firmly believe that the reason we are still daily engaging in these battles is because of my own lack of fortitude on those occasions when I just didn't have any more fight or creativity in me and have let him have the victory for the sack of peace. As all parents, I am learning as I go.)

Inevitably, though, on my steadfast days, there will come a moment when he realizes that I am a worthy opponent that is not easily defeated and therefore worthy of his respect. Something will get through to him and his countenance will change. And, from that moment on, he is just about the most compliant child in the house. My requests are met with a sincere willingness to obey and the most respectful responses imaginable. And, huge bear hugs will be given spontaneously for the remainder of the day. Once he respects me, it is easy for him to submit to my authority. He loves me more when he knows I'm going to be true to my word, no matter what.

Having to go through this process is frustrating because he's a little kid who has to obey certain rules for his own safety and edification, but oh! when he's adult who has learned how to control his impulses and can be his own boss, these traits will serve him well. If you ever intend to employ him or marry him, you need to understand that he has a serious need to be respected and to respect those around him. And, he will make you prove that you respect him and that you are worthy of his respect. Over and over. But, he will love you completely and do your bidding absolutely if you do. This one will do mighty things! And, if you earn his respect (and I do mean earn!), he may just let you come along for the ride.