You Might Be a Redneck...

...If you are entertained by throwing good firewood into the mud just to hear it go "splat."
...If you store your most valuable possessions in the freezer.
...If your cell phone rings to the tune of "Dixie."
...If you rush through your dinner so you can have a chance to drive the backhoe before dark.
...If you catch a tarantula at a dinner party.
...If you comment: "that's the coolest thing I've ever seen" after being shown said tarantula.
...If you walk to the end of the road and come home covered in flea bites.
...If you come to breakfast with your shirt on wrong-side out and backwards.
...If you finsish your first beer of the day at noon.
...If you enjoy sleeping in the closet.
...If you refer to a certain canoe-like water craft as a "Kywhack."
...If you try to dye the living room carpet red by stomping cherries on it.
...If you look for any reason to go down to the gas station.
...If you get a kick out of sweeping dirt over to the vacuum just to see it get sucked up.
...If you leave large muddy footprints on the bathmat without realizing that you did and without comprehending what you could have done to avoid the situation.
And finally, you might be a Redneck if you watched the Fourth of July fireworks in this way: on your boat, on the trailer, in the HEB parking lot, with a beer in your hand and a life jacket around your neck, as the radio played patriotic tunes.




Disclaimer: The statements contained in this document, though they may resemble the comedy of Jeff Foxworthy, are actually true in some form and were all a part of the Watts holiday weekend in one way or another.