I Cannot Believe I Just Said That

When you become a parent, you find yourself saying the most ridiculous things imaginable. Here is a sampling of things that have been heard at our house--some as recently as today.

• You may not have a hot dog until you have eaten all the food on your plate.
• Did you put your spoon down your shirt? Don't put your spoon down your shirt.
• Don't drink from that pool of standing water on the sandbox lid.
• Don't put that _____ in your mouth. (Some options for the blank include: rock, shoestring, computer cable, dirt, crayon, baby's pacifier, food off the floor, thing out of the trashcan, etc. etc.).
• We are not going to take our clothes off at the dinner table.
• Don't put that _____ in the toilet. (Blank options: toothbrush, cup, washcloth, toy, hand, etc. etc.).
• What do you have in your purse, Son?
• Don't stick that in your _____. (Blank options: nose, eye, ear, mouth, any other orifice on your body or anyone else's body).
• Who wants to throw the baby's dirty diaper away?!
• Yes, I did earn a treat when I went to the bathroom, but I'm going to eat my dinner first.