Critter Crazy

There have been some very unwelcome guests around my house lately, and, they are just about to drive me crazy! I love our house and its rural location, but I just don't know how much of this I can take. You already know about our little mouse problem, which I believe has finally been resolved. But we've had some other problems as well:

• Ants--We have had a crazy infestation of ants. They started on the floor in Weston's room. I sprayed and cleaned and gave an excellent lecture on not taking food into the bedrooms to avoid any stray crumbs. Then, they showed up on the floor in Max's room. If you've seen his room, you wouldn't be surprised to find out that almost anything had taken up residence in there. But, there was nothing to do but clean and spray and revisit that fabulous lecture. Time passed, but after a while, Ruth started complaining about getting ant bites in her sleep. This seemed far-fetched to me, and I explained she had probably gotten them while playing outside and just didn't notice until morning. But one morning when she put on her clothes, she reported that there were ants "all over the place," and truly I could see one or two crawling on her top. This led to an investigation, which led me to find that not only was her bed completely covered in ants, but one of the built-in drawers in which she keeps some of her clothes was also alive with the conniving critters. We stripped her bed and emptied her drawers and repeated the previous process for ant extermination. Then, we were crazy-busy and I didn't have any time to put away the clean laundry, so it piled up on the bench in the laundry room. When I finally got back to it, I found the entire pile crawling with ants. And the very same day, I found ant bites on Clay while giving him a bath. Sure enough, there were ants in his crib and all in the twin bed that lives in his room.  Certainly, there are enough crumbs dropped in our house on a daily basis to make Hansel and Gretel proud, but I was (and am still) having a hard time understanding the burrowing of the ants in the clothes and linens. I then found a trail of them on the floor from Clay's room to the boy's bathroom, and another moving diagonally across the kitchen. Insanity was so close, I could smell it! But, come to think of it, it might have just been the ant spray. The problem definitely seems to be getting better, as I have now sprayed 3/4 of our house with ant spray, but it has not been entirely eliminated. If you have any sure-fire ant elimination tips, I'm all ears. 
• Scorpions--As I was making the bed one day last week, I found a a scorpion leisurely making his way across the covers ON MY SIDE OF THE BED. Thankfully, he didn't find me. But, in my house, just crawling on the bed like that warrants the death penalty. I hope he had a chance to send out a silent warning to all his relatives before the whirlpool pulled him under.
• Cicadas--Our yard was inundated with these noisy creatures early in the summer, but they generally seemed to keep to their own territory and finally discerned it was time to move on. Except for the few stragglers. Who apparently decided they'd rather live INSIDE the house than outside. They haven't really been that bothersome until I opened the pantry door the other day and dead one came floating down on me. Ick!
• Snakes--On Tuesday morning, as we were getting ready to leave for CC, I noticed that the lid of the electric box was off at the water well. Experience has taught me that these kinds of things need to be investigated. So, off I went, in my dress and heels, to see what was going on. I saw no evidence that any little boys had been messing around over there, but I did see plenty of cow evidence. So, I scratched the planned lecture, replaced the cover and turned to go back to the van. I took one step, and then, half-way through the next step, realized that I had just stepped over a small, coiled up snake, which I instantly suspected was a rattler. Racing back to the van, I desperately tried to calm my breathing and trembling enough to dash off a text to Jeff (who had left for an early meeting) to let him know we needed to move immediately about this life-threatening problem that needed to be taken care of with all haste. He pulled into the driveway as I hit the send button. Somehow he figured out through my blubbering what had just happened, sent me on to CC and marched off with a shovel to attend to the menace. Minutes later, he called to confirm that it was indeed a rattler, but that at least it was now dead. He saw no sign of mom or dad, but I knew they and their passel of children could not be far away. I had a knot in my stomach the rest of the day, and I subjected the children to yet another lecture about the hazardous world in which we live and the need to be ever vigilant. And, then I turned them over to the Lord once again. 
• UF(S)Is--That's Unidentified Flying (and Stinging) Insects. I was already awake at 5:30 this morning, but not yet out of bed, when I felt a little prick in the vicinity of my left knee. Remembering my recent encounter with the scorpion, I threw back the covers as if they were on fire. I did not find a scorpion, but rather, a sinister looking black, winged creature. Jeff was standing at the foot of the bed and shooed the evil little thing away. Later, I found it washing down that bit of my knee with water from my bathroom sink. I honestly did not even think twice before I turned on the tap and drowned that little sucker in hot water. A woman can only take so much harassment before she snaps!

I told Jeff a couple of nights ago that I thought it was probably time for us to move. He erroneously believed I was joking, and very rationally suggested we just get an exterminator instead. I'm willing to try that, but all I know is, the critters have to go or I do.